Jul. 11th, 2017

hollymath: (Default)
Yesterday I got an e-mail inviting me to an interview for the job I applied for, and my first thought, honestly, was "great, one more fucking thing."

That's the same thought I had about the last one. It is so inconvenient having depression, it really is.
hollymath: (Default)
I went to see my friends' new house today and I was kind of an asshole about it. Because it was so great, and I'm so happy for them, but it was also hard not to be envious.

I don't like my house nearly as much and there was so much I wanted to change when we got it that immediately became unaffordable when I lost my job. It was such a long time ago and we're so much poorer now with little prospect of being able to afford the things that were supposed to happen then, much less anything I want changed cosmetically or less-essentially.

I thought I'd gotten better about this but last couple of months, it's been worse again. I just feel like I have no control over my environment, and I'm getting mopey and resentful and all the bad emotions about that.

I wish being happy for my friends didn't have to be mixed up with all this ugly shit in my own head and life.

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Holly

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