hollymath: (Default)
2017-04-29 11:40 pm
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My period showed up today, a rare and surprising event because the birth control I'm on means that I have only a few every year.

Usually they're pretty easy to manage but occasionally I have one that reminds me why I started taking the birth control in the first place. I used to be one of those people who'd miss a day of work a month with them. Missing a 5k obstacle course seems even more understandable.

But I'd been eating myself up about it. I worried that I wasn't "really" sick, or not sick "enough," that it's "just anxiety," that I was making excuses... This is common enough but I think it was especially bad because I was missing an exercise thing. The most virtuous of all things, exercise!

Skipping that wasn't just bad in a "I've already paid for this" sense, or a "I'm supposed to be doing this with my friend" sense, but in a moral sense. I try very hard not to attribute Goodness and Evil to various habits but obviously I'm failing miserably at that based on my reaction here. I know it's illogical but if you could logic yourself out of what society has ingrained into you, the world would be a very different place.

It might also explain part of why my emotions have felt so uncontrollable lately. Obviously some of that is legitimate--life has been demanding and stressful--but I've also been unsettled at the feeling that these reactions are unusual for me. That's been going on for too long to be PMS, but it means it's likely things are not as thoroughly awful as I'd imagined. Which is good, because everything has seemed pretty bleak lately and it'd be great to be wrong about that.
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2017-04-29 12:17 am
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Getting sick at the least convenient times

The 5k obstacle course I signed up for is tomorrow.

So of course today I get sick.

I feel bad because I've already paid and I was planning to do it with my friend. But my body has very definitely done that "you've done Too Many Things so I'm going to make you sick enough that you stop!" thing that I recognize so well.

And I have done too much this week. But it's been worth it to keep Lib Dem stuff going, and it's been interesting. But man, even with 24 hours "off" between Wednesday afternoon and Thursday afternoon, it's taken a huge toll on me.

Not just in hours spent but being responsible and having to make decisions all the time is grinding me down. This is so the opposite of what I signed up for.

But things change, and things need doing, and done is better than perfect.
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2017-04-27 11:15 pm
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Happy colony

Still typing on my phone (Andrew's got a new laptop but until it's set up needs mine 24/7 so that he can keep up a steady enough stream of Twitter) so I'll have to be quick.

I finally got to see last week's episode of Doctor Who and while generally I liked it (at first I was wary of the premise for how Russell Davies it sounded, but it didn't do too badly with it), there was one thought I had during it that has stuck in my brain.

So I don't think this is spoilery but obviously opinions on what counts as a spoiler differ. I'd say this is in the "it contained the following general types of plot device" category, but I suppose that might be up for debate too.

Because I'd seen a lot of people's reactions to this episode already, I knew one of them went something like "you can tell white people write Doctor Who because when he asks Bill why she wants to go to the future instead of the past, her answer isn't just 'I'm a black woman.' "

Similarly, I can tell the show isn't written by immigrants because it inescapably hinges on the colonists' assumption that they can be happy all the time because they're headed to this utopia that's been built for them where everything is perfect.

Even if it had lived up to those utopian expectations, that would not have stopped grief being there.

Moving so irrevocably away from home leaves you grieving for everyone you left there. Except in some ways its worse than if they died, because you know they're grieving for you too. Some people (if you're lucky, all of them if you're not) you will probably never see again, no matter how much you love them.

There'd be homesickness. There'd be nostalgia in the sense it was first intended, as a proper disease people even died from, as well as its colloquial meaning today. There'd be dreams about the voices of lost people. We're sometimes fine when contemplating the big things, but then cry because we remember the pattern on the dishes, the noise the door made when it closed, or the colors in the sky.

You couldn't have a colony without grief.
hollymath: (Default)
2017-04-25 02:53 pm

It me

Here's me doing The Worst Clerical Job in the World on Saturday. I look happy because [twitter.com profile] LadyPHackney, who was taking the picture, made me laugh...so it turned out okay I think.

hollymath: (Default)
2017-04-24 12:13 am

Laptop and Lib Demmery updates

Don't really wanna type this all out on my phone (my touchscreen typing is getting worse lately if anything, and I swear SwiftKey is trying to make me look stupid on purpose: last night I thought I tweeted "I missed Doctor Who" but no, it said "I kissed Doctor Who" which made the grumpiness in the rest of the tweet rather inexplicable) but Andrew's got my laptop, and I've got words to get out of my head before I can sleep, so...

I should have the laptop back tomorrow. Andrew's will hopefully work with the replacement part we bought for it, which turned up today. Stuart was kind enough to spend all Friday afternoon and evening trying to fix it. He even soldered the broken part together two or three different ways to see if we could avoid having to get a new one, but his valiant efforts were to no avail. We did get through several cycles of "it should be fine!"/"no, it's fucked!"/"no, wait, this might do it!" which honestly was exhausting even for me and I didn't so anything except make the tea and occasionally hold something still. But Stuart said he enjoyed the process.

So I'll take the new part over, where I left the rest of his laptop the other day, tomorrow. But most of the rest of this week I think I'll be helping Andrew be front-of-house at the local Lib Dem HQ.

What had been a by-election HQ staffed with actual staff (and volunteers) has now been handed back to the local party, just volunteers. I was sitting in a meeting this evening thinking I really enjoyed being a small cog in the big machine, who could just do things and not have to make decisions. Now I'm the same size cog and the machine is...not exactly smaller but moving more slowly.

But we're still just as ambitious. We're focusing on getting through the original May 4 elections first, particularly because there's a council by-election in our constituency (maybe John Leech will get some company as the opposition on the council!) as well as the Greater Manchester mayoral election that day. I'd really love Andy "I'm so convinced I'll win I'm not standing to defend my parliamentary seat a month later" Burnham not to win. Particularly since he seems to have affectations instead of a personality, and his affected northernness is to hate foreigners and call coffee posh.

So anyway, Andrew has said he'll be front-of-house, i.e. make sure there's a human there all day long so when people turn up to volunteer or ask questions or whatever, there's someone who can help them. He reckons that he can sit there with a laptop as easily as here, and is pleased that something he can do will be such a big help to the campaign (most of the obvious ways to help involve things he finds hard or impossible).

But this will inevitably involve some help from me: the one part of this he will struggle with is getting going in the mornings, so I'm actually going to open up and probably do the "until-lunchtime" shifts. Starting tomorrow! So while there's more to talk about, I should try to sleep.
hollymath: (Default)
2017-04-22 09:52 pm
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I went to Levy market for the first time this year (almost two months after it started up again!), vaguely thinking I might get my dad something for his birthday, but instead the only thing I interacted with much was a stall where a guy was selling perfume.

They were in tiny bottles, not sprays but a kind of oil thing, with an applicator a teeny version of a roll-on deodorant one.

The man encouraged me to try a bunch and told me about them. The oils are from Dubai, he says. Some were jasmine, musk, rose, even caramel. One was so fruity it smelled almost like bubblegum. I found a couple of "woody" scents I liked, including the specific cedar as well as two non-specified "woody" ones. It was one of those I bought.

I was really excited because I can't usually do perfumes: most scents and definitely anything that you spray is hard on Andrew's asthmatic lungs. I can't even have spray deodorant without him coughing and complaining I make the whole room "smell pink." (Usually, I think once it smelled purple.)

But since these were oily rub-on things (the guy made a point of saying several times they're alcohol-free), I figured they'd be more likely to be okay, like the solid Lush perfume I used to have.

So I think I like the smell of the one I got, but even hours and hamd-washes later, my wrists and the backs of my hands still smell like a whore's drawers, as the locals would say.
hollymath: (Default)
2017-04-22 08:23 am
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Four years

Just realized as I was walking the dog yesterday morning that it would've been James's and my fourth anniversary earlier this week.

Even though I lost track of the date, I do still think about how lucky I am. As I wrote when it'd only been one year:

I had a long day -- week -- of work ahead of me. I saw that I had an e-mail just as I was leaving the house that morning, so absentmindedly opened it on my phone in case it was work-related. It wasn't, it was a reply to a rather vague comment I'd left: I'd found a quote from a Terry Pratchett book that seemed to describe my melancholy rather well, and in the first comment James added another good metaphor from Hitch-Hikers about flying being a matter of aiming at the ground and missing because you got distracted, and about failing to get distracted.

When I said that I too felt like I'd been hitting the ground from a great height, I got this reply that actually stopped me in my tracks as I was just about to unlock the front door and go to work.

"If you give me a shout, I'll try to catch you," he said.

I didn't stop theatrically, I had no audience. But I had to stop because something in this sentence made me have to rearrange my worldview.

James and I had been chatting in e-mail for a week or two by this point, mostly just about how our days were going or whatever. It was nice and had helped me through some tedious times, but I hadn't thought too much about it. But now...what was this? What kind of way is this to talk? Should I be making anything of it at all? Maybe he's just being nice. But, looking back on it now I can realize that it didn't feel like that. And that I didn't want him to be just being nice.

The world looked different already by the time I finally opened the door to go to work.
hollymath: (Default)
2017-04-19 11:31 pm
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Going in Style

The Unthanks thing I wanted to go to was sold out, so we looked at what was on at the cinema instead, and after thinking there was nothing Andrew spotted something called Going in Style, about three old guys who rob a bank.

Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine and Alan Arkin play three friends who worked together at the same factory and thus all find out at the same time that their pensions have been stopped. The company is in debt and using their pension funds to pay off their debts.

Michael Caine's character had just been in the bank (to ask about the foreclosure letters he was getting and the direct debit that stopped going into his account) when he witnessed it being robbed. He's impressed at how quickly and smoothly the thing is carried off, and the robbers don't get caught. This is what gives him the idea.

It's a joy to watch these three actors, their characters established easily and quickly in relation to their families in two cases (and the third gets a love interest as the movie goes along) and even more importantly in relation to each other. They've been friends for decades, one lives across the road from the apartment the other two share, and there's something really touching about the love they display for each other (like Morgan Freeman tucking a blanket around a sleeping Alan Arkin, making sure his feet get covered), something so unusual to see men do in real life or in the movies.

And the motives behind their crime are certainly ones most people would be sympathetic to: they're stealing from the bank that's sending their pension money elsewhere, and intend to give to charity anything that is more than they expected to receive. When he's trying to convince his friends to join his crazy plan, Michael Caine says
These banks practically destroyed this country. They crushed a lot of people's dreams, and nothing ever happened to them. We three old guys, we hit a bank. We get away with it, we retire in dignity. Worst comes to the worst, we get caught, we get a bed, three meals a day, and better health care than we got now.
It's funny too, of course: the scene where they're the worst shoplifters in the world had me in fits of giggles with its physical comedy and sheer absurdity. But a lot of the humor is a little more complex than that,

Much is made too of society's tendency to underestimate its older people. Their alibis depend on old men being doddery, indistinguishable from one another if they're wearing the same hat, or likely to be in the loo for a long time. Yet we the audience underestimate them too, laughing at them doing things we expect only younger people to do, like smoke a joint and then ride in a car with their heads out the window, or shout at each other and the TV about The Bachelorette which man the woman should choose.

Or, of course, like robbing banks. We think that's a young person's game too so it's delicious to watch the juxtapositions: they have to exercise to be able to pretend to be the kind of young spry people who rob banks, but they can also disappear into a crowd on a bus because they look so harmless and unmemorable..

Like any heist movie part of the fun is watching the plan come together, and then inevitably not go quite as planned. And like any heist movie it's not exactly unpredictable, but it was incredibly enjoyable and on the bus ride home Andrew and I agreed it was just what we'd needed today.

One note on the audio description, though: Michael Caine's granddaughter plays softball and twice the bloody audio track told me she was bowling when she was definitely pitching! It was so weird! Definitely jarring. I had a whispered rant at Andrew the first time this happened. I know it's a British recording but dammit, as somebody who can pitch but couldn't bowl I am quite certain they are not equivalent things!
hollymath: (Default)
2017-04-15 10:40 am
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If someone asked me right now what my deepest fantasy was, I'd say "for someone to come to my house and organize my kitchen and my bedroom, without making me feel bad for the state they've been in all this time."

The first part is merely not going to happen. The second part is unimaginable.
hollymath: (Default)
2017-04-14 11:21 am
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Two people have approvingly called my new haircut "feminine" and I don't know why but it really makes me sad. I think about this now every time I see myself in the mirror.
hollymath: (Default)
2017-04-13 11:42 am

Contact your congresscritters!

I never had to navigate the American system as a disbled adult so I don't know all the details. So I'm glad [personal profile] forests_of_fire is happy for me to copy what they wrote and share it here.

I don't often make pleas to contact your Congresscritters (mainly because there is SO MUCH to contact them about x.x), but something is currently in the House and Senate that can make a huge difference in the life of disabled people.

U.S. Congress is weighing the idea of expanding the ABLE Act.

The ABLE Act set up a system that (currently) allows people who became disabled before the age of 26 to save money in special ABLE accounts. One of the bills currently under consideration will raise that age to 46. Honestly, this is the thing I'm most excited about because it means that more people will have access to ABLE accounts and I am all for that.

But this is how the ABLE account impacts a disabled person's life. They can have up to $100,000 in an ABLE account without it impacting their benefits, though they're only allowed to put $14,000 a year into your account. Once someone hits $100,000, the money will count against them. (Obviously, that's going to take a while, since you can only put in $14,000 a year.) The absolute upper limit for an ABLE account is $426,000, which would take quite a while to save up.

The money in an ABLE account is tax-free, as long as it's used for things that help a disabled person take care of their needs, remain independent, or better their life. This means the money can be used for anything from medical bills to housing to education to transportation. If they work, they can put their net wages directly into their account or they can put money in from other sources, like financial birthday gifts.

This is AMAZEBALLS for people who are disabled. One of the main problems with being disabled is that it's impossible to save money because the threshold for getting your benefits dinged is so low. Often, even working ends up coming out as a net loss, financially. Even if you don't have tons of money to sock away, being able to save money for future expenses without having to worry about your benefits is incredibly helpful. And, even if your state doesn't have its own ABLE account set up, you can apply for an ABLE account through another state. You pay a lot more in fees, but it might be worth it just to be able to put money away for future expenses.

These aren't straight savings accounts -- they're investment accounts. But you can use the BankSafe option, which means that all your investment is insured by the FDIC. That's what I use because I can't really afford to lose money. There is a small fee ($2.50/mo. here in Ohio if you live in-state) for managing the money and there's an annual fee. But it's a hell of a lot better than what we can have.

So, yes. If you're so inclined, please contact your Congresscritters and let them know you support the expansion of the ABLE Act. Also, please feel free to copypasta this to get the word out.
hollymath: (Default)
2017-04-12 10:57 pm
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Three in the bed and the little one said "woof woof woof"

We shut Gary downstairs at night but on rare occasions I guess the door doesn't close properly or else he's desperate enough to get upstairs with us that he gets the handle pulled down enough to open the door--he can jump high enough, to my surprise; I've seen it.

Usually he only does this when I've gone out but Andrew's still sleeping so he has to take such extraordinary measures to be let out for a pee. But last night, after we went to bed but before we turned off the lights to go to sleep, I heard some strange noises and then he came bounding into the room and into the bed.

We didn't let him up here at first because I didn't want a bed full of dog hair and my sleep is interrupted/fragile enough without any external help. Then we found out that Andrew and Gary clash for some reason when Gary's allowed in our room, especially on the bed, so it was definitely not going to happen even on the days when he looks really sad to be left on his own (I'm not the soft touch Andrew is, but even I have heartstrings that can be susceptible at times!).

Last night he didn't growl or snarl at all but he didn't spend any time near Andrew either, he strode to the top of the blanket next to me (on the side away from Andrew), burrowed underneath--no small feat for a dog that still hasn't learned he can't get under a blanket he's standing on--and seemed to have every intention of staying just like that. I don't think either of us wanted to get out of bed to shut him downstairs again, so we thought we'd see what happened...and he was perfectly well behaved all night.

Having Andrew spooning up to one side of me and the dog pressed against my legs on the other side did make it quite a production to move or turn or do anything, especially when I had to go for a wee in the middle of the night. I didn't want to wake Andrew and I didn't want to push the dog off the bed! I think I managed. Yoga has given me good practice at this kind of thing.

But it never got past being a challenge and into being a problem. It was too nice to have all the cuddles. I've gone to bed on my own tonight and I miss that.
hollymath: (Default)
2017-04-11 11:58 pm

A sign I'm working with good people

Andrew must think WI committee meetings are four hours long; I always stay for "just a quick drink" after...
hollymath: (Default)
2017-04-10 09:04 am
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Book work

I did some work for my book on the train to London the other day, which consisted of reading through the interview answers more carefully than I had yet been able to and starting to look at the themes and patterns I want to structure the book around (I keep changing my mind about this so I hope I've finally got it sorted out).

And I'm just blown away again by how fortunate I am that people have been so willing to share their stories and their feelings and their thoughts with me. If I can make this good, it'll be because they have made it good.

The whole project has been too intimidating to work on for a while now, but I'm determined to get it done, soon! Writing a book is a lonely undertaking and I like how these people's help makes me feel less alone while I'm doing it.

Oh, and I'm gonna call the book Hostile Environment, which is what Theresa May said she wanted to create for illegal immigrants back when she was Home Secretary. It worked more than well enough to affect legal immigrants too: if you Google the phrase now you can read about passports wrongly revoked, people having a terrible time trying to access the NHS, the rise in hate crime...

I'm imagining a very Dad-book style cover for it now, with a name like that! But I can't do visual design and I can't pay anyone else to, so I imagine it won't look like much at all. Oh well, it's not as if it's going to be bought by anybody who doesn't already know what it is anyway.
hollymath: (Default)
2017-04-08 07:35 am

I promise it won't all be metablogging forever now, but...

Here's a cool thing I didn't know: if you commented on DW with OpenID (a LiveJournal account or somesuch) and now you have a Dreamwidth account, you can connect the comments that you made with OpenID so that they will look like you left them with your Dreamwidth account.

On another note, last night I read this from [personal profile] solarbird and laughed because it was so familiar.
It is freakish to be on an LJ-style site and see stuff just… happening everywhere. Do you know how long it’s been since I said “jfc my friendslist is busy”? DO YOU? Okay, about two hours, but I mean before that.

I went and played a short round of Overwatch at 11:30pm. When I came back there were like five new posts. And a bunch of comments. And two friends requests. From strangers. Which were not bots.

I wrote a Fascist Watch newsletter starting around midnight. More new posts. Another friends request. Comments.

It’s not 2004 anymore, but it sure as hell isn’t 2015 either.
Yeah, I thought I'd outgrown that tendency I had in the mid-2000s to bounce up to strangers on LJ and go "hi! Wanna be friends?" I thought I wasn't in college any more, I wasn't new to a new country, people Just Don't Do This Sort of Thing any more...

Nah. Turns out I'm exactly the same as I was ten or fifteen years ago if I'm given opportunity to be.

I've been friending a lot of people from [community profile] 2017revival, it seems impossible not to. There are a lot of queer people, a lot of women, a lot of poly people, disabled people, people in their 30s and 40s... people like me and my Real Life friends. I always associated DW with fandom which I've never been any good at and while that's still well-represented, it's hardly mandatory or making me feel excluded (and it's super-easy for me to feel excluded, something else I thought I'd outgrown and am recently learning to my dismay I have not).

A friend, when sad and grumpy about the demise of LJ, said they'd never have the same affection for Dreamwidth. I'm lucky enough, having moved over here first in 2009 after I-don't-even-remember-which affront to LJkind, that my affection for this place is long established. A lot of people from demographics that suffer on most of the Internet are thriving here; I love that.
hollymath: (Default)
2017-04-06 11:19 pm


On Monday night I wrote
I've been so homesick and regular sick and just out of sorts generally. For weeks. Tonight I went to yoga for the first time in a whole (haven't been because I've been sick) and I'm home just in time to see my baseball team's Opening Day game.

And the combination of physical tension relieved at yoga & mental tension relieved by hearing familiar accents talk about beloved things has been SO GOOD for me. I can't even tell you.
Of course it hasn't lasted. Today things have seemed horrid on every level from ominous health news for people I love to horrible politics I don't want to talk about.

It all left my nerves jangly and everything seeming too noisy, too much, too difficult today.
hollymath: (Default)
2017-04-06 12:43 am
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Nice evening

Had a nice time with [personal profile] po8crg and one of his co-workers, going for a drink and then a delicious Italian meal for his birthday. We talked about everything from Usenet to foods missed from the U.S. (where [personal profile] po8crg's co-worker had lived for several years) to the difficulty of learning French.

I made some progress in my determination to like tomatoes! (I did this same thing for mushrooms a few years ago, and for the same reason: they so often turn up in vegetarian dishes, if I don't have to avoid them it really increases my options. I used to detest mushrooms and now I love them, so I'm hopeful something similar could be possible with tomatoes too.)

The veggie starter on the set menu was bruschetta, and it arrived as a pile of halved tiny tomatoes on toast. Possibly it was the sweetness of such tiny things, possibly it was the single glass of wine I'd had so far, but I ate them without any problem! I am ridiculously pleased with myself.
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2017-04-05 11:31 pm

Particularly for DWers fresh here from LJ...

Friends who are leaving LJ for DW (or just might like more friends) may find [community profile] 2017revival useful. There was one like it on LJ where I was making tons of new friends before The Event.

Also, lovely [personal profile] nanila has started there a post linking LJ identities to DW identities, especially useful if like me you don't have the same name on both.*

* I don't think I've ever used the same username for any two online services...it's not intentional, it's just that whatever seems like the best idea at the time seems to change every time!
hollymath: (Default)
2017-04-04 06:49 pm


An ominous foreign-language repressive-regine change to the terms and conditions might finally be the end that Dreamwidth was prepared for back when LJ was first sold to a Russian company.

I'm very grateful DW is here, and to the people who've spent years both keeping the code running and providing good content. Most of all, I'm grateful for the guiding principles that make this as valuable a community as it is.

I'll have more to say about Dreamwidth, I hope, when I am less tired. In the meantime, any of my LJ friends who don't know and want to follow me, I'm there as [personal profile] hollymath.
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2017-03-31 12:46 am
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"Pretty darn progressive"

So my Congressman wants to run for governor.

This is interesting (well, to probably zero people but me who read this blog, but...) mainly because he has made a living off the balancing act between representing a rural area and being a Democrat.

Everybody else who's so far declared they want the DFL endorsement is from the Cities, and Walz is not. He represents all of the bottom bit of Minnesota, which has a few not-very-big towns and otherwise rural farmland like what I grew up on. So the NRA likes him, but he's progressive enough that Planned Parenthood does too.

The first political opinion I ever remember being made in my presence was my dad saying he liked Paul Wellstone because he stuck up for farmers, and I've been proud that the farmers in my state are happy to back reasonably progressive politicians. But recently -- since I left Minnesota, really, so I haven't been able to follow this as well -- Republicans have been peeling off those DFL votes outside the Twin Cities. Tim Walz stuck around.

And he seems to want to deal with this urban/rural divide by dismantling it. Sounds good to me! "Walz says he plans to start by focusing on how advancements in the metro area benefit the rural areas he represents, and vice versa." Which is awesome, and happily I also believe it to be true.

Of course to get through a gubernatorial (crap, I've forgotten how to spell that; I've been away too long!) primary his less-orthodox stances on guns and the environment (being pro-farmers-not-going-broke is sometimes anti-environment, unfortunately...) will get more attention. But I've read some interesting quotes about that, especially “In the metro, you’ll probably hear that he’s not progressive enough, but there’s enough people that know we’ve got to take the governor’s race or we’re Wisconsin, we’re toast.”

A year or two ago I was reading a lot of articles (here's an example) about the diverging fortunes of Minnesota and Wisconsin, neighboring Midwestern states with similar histories and presumably similar potential, except that when we elected tax-and-spend Mark Dayton (DFL) as our governor, they elected union-busting tax-cuts-at-all-costs Scott Walker (R).

Minnesota got hundreds of thousands more jobs, a budget surplus, and tons of money for education, but Wisconsin now serves as a terrible warning to us next door: reduced education spending, increased taxes on ordinary people to pay for tax breaks for the wealthiest, basically refuted trickle-down economics all by himself.

Yes Minnesota has a century or so of progressive politics that makes this seem unimaginable, but so did Wisconsin before Walker...and Minnesota's previous governor, a Republican who saw Minnesota as nothing more than a stepping-stone to running for president, refused to raise taxes even when infrastructure got so bad that a huge fucking bridge fell into the Mississippi River.

Meanwhile as soon as Walz announced, GOP-aligned groups immediately called him a “Washington insider” and a “Democrat socialist.” Socialist meaning only what it always means in America, a mean name to call someone, but it's not something that Minnesotans are really afraid of. And honestly it's the least I'd expect of someone I'd hope to vote for!

“The focus now is getting to know Minnesotans and getting Minnesotans to know me,” Walz said, and this has been borne out so far in that the Twitter account he and/or his staff seemed to forget he had -- and that I forgot I followed last autumn when I thought I should be paying more attention to the tools in my arsenal against Trump -- has been pretty busy in recent days. As long as it still gives him time to vote against everything Paul Ryan tries to get through the House, I'm happy with hearing more from him as he campaigns.