Apr. 14th, 2017 11:21 am
hollymath: (Default)
[personal profile] hollymath
Two people have approvingly called my new haircut "feminine" and I don't know why but it really makes me sad. I think about this now every time I see myself in the mirror.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-04-14 10:30 am (UTC)
miss_s_b: (Default)
From: [personal profile] miss_s_b
Don't like sad Hollies.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-04-14 10:33 am (UTC)
lilysea: (Indignant)
From: [personal profile] lilysea
:( :( :(

(no subject)

Date: 2017-04-14 11:50 am (UTC)
moem: A computer drawing that looks like me. (Default)
From: [personal profile] moem
OKAY YES I definitely need to add you right back!

(no subject)

Date: 2017-04-14 01:15 pm (UTC)
moem: A computer drawing that looks like me. (Default)
From: [personal profile] moem
Silver? Why yes, I am turning grey. Oh wait, not what you meant.

My previous hairstylist left my hair too long, while exclaiming over and over again during my haircut: 'Of course, we need to make sure it'll still look feminine enough*' and I kept replying 'No, we really don't, that's not a thing I care about'.
So I found a different salon.

*this sounded better in the original Dutch

(no subject)

Date: 2017-04-14 01:02 pm (UTC)
zimena: Cross-country skier Johannes Høsflot Klæbo looking even more gorgeous than usual. (Default)
From: [personal profile] zimena
I hear you! I still remember that time a friend called my clothing style "feminine" when I was younger. I was so hurt by that comment.

I guess some people just equate being female with wanting to look feminine/wishing one looked more feminine than one does, so they might think such comments are a compliment. It can be such a painful thing to hear, though :(

(no subject)

Date: 2017-04-14 01:22 pm (UTC)
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
From: [personal profile] alatefeline
I'm sorry.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-04-14 01:35 pm (UTC)
forests_of_fire: A picture of a brilliantly colored waterfall cascading into a river (Default)
From: [personal profile] forests_of_fire
UGH. -hugs-

I hate it when people do that or, conversely, tell me that I should have a more feminine haircut. I'm just like "seriously STFU. It's my hair, I like it like this, and I look like crap with long hair."


Date: 2017-04-14 04:50 pm (UTC)
ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
From: [personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
Bummer. On the bright side, it is hair: it will grow out, and in a few weeks you can choose a different haircut.

In the meantime, consider leaning more masculine with clothing, cologne, or other things to balance the signals so that your gender expression sends the message you want.

Re: Thoughts

Date: 2017-04-15 01:17 am (UTC)
ysabetwordsmith: Cartoon of me in Wordsmith persona (Default)
From: [personal profile] ysabetwordsmith
>> It'd actually been a couple of weeks and I got it fixed today. :D <<


>> Well, mostly. I'm still not 100% sure what kind of hair I want, or the vocabulary for it, but I'm feeling better. <<

The only fix for that is to explore.

>> Thanks for good advice, though. <3 <<

Some things people have found helpful:

* Studying vocabulary. Me, I do it so I can describe my characters. Hair color, length, texture, etc.

* Studying extant options. There are endless supplies of hair fashion magazines for men and women, occasionally unisex will get an article or so. Online, similar resources exist.

* Studying historic examples. Old paintings, photos, statues, etc. show how genderbenders of the past wore their hair.

* Experimenting with personal looks. There are makeover sites that will upload a photo of you and then modify that to show different hairstyles or other stuff. Some folks find this very illuminating. Alternatively, you can achieve much the same effect by getting several sizes of personal photo, and cutting cool hairstyles out of magazines to mix and match, like a paper doll.

* Collect an idea book. Cut pictures out of catalogs or magazines when you like the hair, makeup, clothes, etc. Then look for patterns. Most people will have a preferred length or color of hair, favorite colors of clothes, certain garments they really like or hate, and so on.

* Watch for makeover parties. If you are super lucky you may even find a genderflexy one -- I saw one of those at a con once. These allow you to try all different shoes, clothes, wigs, hairstyles, makeup, anything someone brought to fool around with. They're cheap or free, and you can get lots of feedback.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-04-14 06:22 pm (UTC)
meepettemu: (Default)
From: [personal profile] meepettemu

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Date: 2017-04-15 01:04 am (UTC)
alatefeline: Painting of a cat asleep on a book. (Default)
From: [personal profile] alatefeline
Hooray for good haircut!

(no subject)

Date: 2017-04-16 11:59 am (UTC)
mrs_leroy_brown: (Default)
From: [personal profile] mrs_leroy_brown
Looking awesome!

We have pretty similar haircuts, except I have a fringe - from the back pushed forward, and in the back mine is blended into the crown.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-04-16 03:29 pm (UTC)
sfred: (Default)
From: [personal profile] sfred
You do look totally hot. This haircut really suits you.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-04-15 03:54 am (UTC)
finding_helena: Girl staring off into the distance. Text from "River of Dreams" by Billy Joel (Default)
From: [personal profile] finding_helena
That's a really weird way for people to describe a haircut... basically like they are projecting their ideas of how you should look onto you. I mean, if you were enthused that your haircut looked more feminine and that's what you had wanted and they agreed with you, that would be different. But otherwise, "hey, your haircut looks great" or even just "Wow, that's a big change for you" (if that's the case) would seem more suitable.


hollymath: (Default)

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