hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
Waiting at a bus stop listening to the new Lizzo album which I'm already in love with.

It's so sunny out I don't have any pockets -- I didn't even bring a hoodie with me. I'm waiting at the bus stop to meet [personal profile] diffrentcolours for a drink, after an afternoon in the sunshine eating Japanese food with [personal profile] haggis.

A lot of things are really tough but right now the world feels nice and sounds nice and smells nice and I'm enjoying it. I figured that was worth making a note of.


Apr. 12th, 2019 09:31 pm
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
Today mostly sucked but just when I was ready to give up on it and sulk, [personal profile] diffrentcolours came up with a plan where I would do the volunteer thing I should've already done just in time to save it at the last minute, and then be in the right place to go out for food and drinks with him and his friends who were off to see an Elvis-fronted Nirvana tribute band tonight.

So I accomplished a thing that'd been stressing me out (entirely through my own negligence, which unfortunately only adds to the misery!), I had vegan katsu curry and a nice orangey G&T, and thus this evening mostly salvaged a day that really wasn't going well, and I'm grateful for that.
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
I handed in the terrible project that seemed impossible even yesterday. One of the chi-square tests still isn't working. I didn't do enough interpretation of the results. I'm not sure about some of the graphs. But fuck it, it's done.

I Very Emphatically did not get the job. "We were impressed with you but another candidate had better skills, experience and knowledge across the board." Well! Across the board! Sheesh. Nice to hear I wasn't particularly good at anything! But it was nice to read that as soon as I got out of uni today. I could go home with the book closed on everything I had to do this week.

I got through a seminar* and my meeting with the DSA mentor. Just got home to start three weeks off for Easter break. I didn't get a break at Christmas so I'm extremely looking forward to it.

By the time I got home, I could hardly function. I couldn't concentrate well enough to remember the beginning of a sentence by the time I got to the end. Phone games that usually soothe me felt too stressful. "Go lie down," Andrew said. "Put on a Terry Pratchett audiobook or a P.G. Woodhouse or something. Take Gary with you and have cuddles." I'm not tired exactly, but I think this is about all I can manage so this is what I'm going to do.

* Bless my tutor, who couldn't find anyone to cover for her so did today's class with laryngitis. And then the projector was broken so her plan of typing out answers wasn't going to work either. she had to use an online text-to-speech thing to talk us through some complicated data analysis. She's so great. I'd have just gone back to bed if I was her!


Mar. 31st, 2019 11:41 pm
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
I am a fan of daylight savings time but it tested my resolve this year: we got the last possible train home from Brighouse last night (usually I make us go home earlier but it was nice to spend the time with Ozzy and play the Mysterium game he brought) so we got home not long before 1am. I microwaved a ready meal because I'd barely eaten yesterday and by the time I'd eaten it...it was after 2am. I'm someone who can quite happily go to bed at 9pm, and I had to get up for work this morning, so I was not looking forward to that.

It was about as much fun as I expected this morning, but I managed it.

After work I went straight to uni to use their computers for the spreadsheet stuff my laptop still won't do. I had to re-do some stuff, I still don't really understand what I'm doing, and there's a lot left to do before Friday, but I hope I am making some progress. Annoyingly, while of course I saved my work on the uni computers, I forgot to update the Google Drive doc, so I couldn't even attempt to look at it once I got home. If it's only making the pivot tables that makes my laptop crash, and not working with them, it'll be a lot easier for me to get this done. But I guess tomorrow is soon enough to find that out and it meant I didn't have to feel guilty for not doing more work once I got home.

Which was handy because soon after I got home, [personal profile] diffrentcolours asked if I wanted to go see Captain Marvel with them. I wasn't bothered about the movie but thought it'd be nice to see my friends, so I went along. I enjoyed it, despite the audio description not working, a thing the cinema really could've handled better. (Updates on this arrived as I was writing this entry: it's been upgraded from a Could Be Better to a Okay I'm Angry Now.)

I hadn't been to that cinema since it got renovated and it's horrible: very dark with patches of bright neon, huge screens flickering with ads, and a floor that was either busily-patterned carpet or glittery tiles. On our way out of the movie, I needed a wee and [personal profile] mother_bones directed me to which of the neon humanoid symbols above adjacent doors was the ladies. "They look the same!" I moaned about the (neon outlined figures, but clearly this wasn't just a blind-person problem: I followed an older, beardy, very male-looking person into the loos, but he looked around a little confused when he got there and I think left hastily.

Okay, [personal profile] diffrentcolours has just told me that apparently Captain Marvel only had audio description in the fancy, much-more-expensive "Screen X" showings at that cinema, which is some bullshit. So my musings on the way home about how I might get in touch with them in a "more a feedback than a complaint..." kind of way have immediately turned into "no that's an actual complaint now." I'm sure this happened a while ago, can't remember if it was the same chain or not but I encountered one that was only doing audio description in its IMAX-type, expensive, screens. This one projects on the side walls as well as the screen, for "270 degree cinema." Which sounds ghastly to me but also seems utterly wasted at best on most people who benefit from audio description -- it could well be a distraction/migraine trigger, so, worse than useless. And for much more money! How delightful.

But yeah, that's something for tomorrow's to-do list; it's bedtime now!


Mar. 20th, 2019 09:02 pm
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
Six or so hours of sleep, followed by a three-hour class...

...but actually it was good: the lecture was on something I'm really interested in (language shift and maintenance, ftr), the small-group bit involved us getting the feedback that we didn't last week on our lit review so now we can get on with the field work we said we were going to do. Which means I don't have to go to this class any more; for the rest of the semseter we can do the project during that time and, if we e-mail to say so, get marked as attending. So I shouldn't have such early starts on a Wednesday, and if I do at least I only have to go to Stockport, a place it's easy to get a bus to!

Then I got home and spent most of the next few hours in long overdue housework. Andrew helped tidy, I swept and mopped the kitchen, did laundry, Andrew and Gary hid upstairs while I hoovered. I didn't really have the energy for this but it was motivated by Andrew's mum and sister coming up this afternoon. The plan ended up being that they just picked us up and we went out to for a meal with them and Andrew's niece, so they didn't even see the place, but it still felt good to come back to a relatively okay house. (I got some good tips from my friend Kat on ways to de-fur the place too, which is great because Gary sheds so much I'm always amazed he has any fur left.)

Went for the meal, baby screaming in a car for an hour and any time she stopped Andrew's sister whinged about driving and the traffic. It was nice to see them, however tiring.

I got back in time for the second half of an online Lib Dems meeting. Which I'm still in.

I'm going to go to uni tomorrow not having had a chance to catch up on the fact that I couldn't do the thing we learned in last week's tutorial (I think my laptop just cannot handle that big a pivot table!). I'll have to throw myself on the mercy of the tutor, but luckily she is very nice. I have work to catch up on in that class, and lectures I missed that I need to watch the videos of.
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
Something very odd has happened, which is that I'm in York and I haven't had to go to all the work of sorting out travel and accommodation myself. Andrew thought he was coming too until recently enough that I didn't have any spoons to sort out somewhere to stay for myself. I piggybacked on friends' plans. It's such a big deal I'm in danger of becoming annoying with effusiveness in my gratitude.

I'm here for Lib Dem conference, which doesn't start until tomorrow; me not turning up at the last minute (or an hour after it, like last time) is also weird.

I carried stuff in, reset the router so the WiFi would work, had a cup of tea... And now I'm somewhere neat and tidy and no one needs me to do anything?

Literally no idea what to do with myself.
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
Andrew usually sleeps all morning but today he woke up while I was still eating breakfast.

He fussed over me a lot, offering what seemed like a baffling amount of verbal and physical affection, asking me if I was okay, obviously fretting about me.

It seemed weird to me because I felt totally normal. Yes I was cold and tired, yes Mondays are demanding, but I wasn't feeling -- or facing anything -- worse than normal.

I wonder if this is just what my mornings are like and he's not used to it. I don't know: I'm not used to being observed.
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
I was terrified of sleeping in today so slept lightly. Which is good because the thing I woke up to was a teeny little beep that reminded me of my meeting with my DSA study mentor, which instead of being after my Friday seminar was before my Thursday seminar this week. I had totally forgotten about it. The meeting was due to start at the time I'd set my alarm for today. (And since I already missed one such meeting, after another less-than-24-hours'-notice absence, DSA could take away the support altogether. Becasue if there's one thing that says "good support for disabled people," it's withdrawing support after two absences!)

Got through that, though I like having it after uni better: it's an exhuasting way to start the day. And it made me late for my seminar. Being ten minutes behind everyone else in figuring out the spreadsheet wasn't the a fun feeling (though the tutor is great and not only very helpful but unobtrusively helpful) but I was caught up by the end of the hour. It was easy to do encode all my transcription because I'd only managed to do 20% of the transcription so far.

I went straight from uni, eating a sandwich on the bus, to work. I am a PA for a person whose partner is also disabled and had a DWP assessment today. Both of them are exhausted and traumatized by medical bureaucracy lately so when they were looking for someone to go with them, I'd offered. I'm glad I could do it, but even at secondhand those assesments are damn stressful and this one took two and a half hours, after a long wait. It was only about as terrible as these things always are.

I got them home, made them a cup of tea, ran for a bus...that didn't show. Started walking, then the bus zooms by like 20 minutes late of course. I got upset at that, and I was dead on my feet with exhaustion by this point, which probably contributed to me making some weird decisions and I ended up pretty miserable, in the dark, further from home than I'd thought but also having walked as far as I could, and also the 171 that should've appeared had also failed me. The bus ride home from work is about 10 minutes but an hour after I left I still was standing in the dark. I did get a bus home eventually, but I was so anxious and tired by that point that it took an hour to calm down enough to make the dinner I had necessitated by refusing takeaway. (I had halloumi and salad and it was amazing, so that's something considering how recently I'd been convicned I couldn't eat.)

And I found out the group project I half-assedly contributed to a draft of a few days ago? The group wants to submit it tonight. I need to clean up my bibliography and tell them my student number and even that seems beyond me, much less actually contributing anything more. The three of them spent all afternoon working on it and didn't tell me about it until they were. I knew it'd be shitty to miss that class yesterday. I worried about group work involving people who just ghost and leave everyone else to pick up the slack, and it turns out that person is me. Fuck.

All of which is to say that tonight my linguist hero, Lynne Murphy who's an American living in the UK whose blog and Twitter I've followed forever, who along with the hosts of Lingthusiasm was the inspiration for me doing this linguistics degree, is doing the launch of the UK paperback of my new favorite book (I got the U.S. paperback for Christmas), about American and British English. And it's in Leeds, which is close enough to seriously consider but probably far enough away to be a bad idea even before I knew about the extra work I'd be doing today. I have a 9am seminar tomorrow. That, even without being out tonight, I am utterly unprepared for. And I have to go to Leeds tomorrow anyway (for some kind of play based on Beowulf I guess?) I knew I couldn't do both of those! Damn you Leeds and your lit festival with so many things suited to my tastes!

But I love Lynne Murphy's book The Prodigal Tongue so much, and I love her in that way you love people you hear on Radio 4 or follow on Twitter, and I'm still sad not to be there.
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
There's a picture of some text that I've seen shared many times on Facebook, which shows how relatable my friends group finds it. It goes:
Hi. Sorry I haven't texted you back I've been anxious and depressed. I haven't had time to catch my breath, you know how life gets. I am so drained I can't even collect the energy for the most menial of tasks. Iike texting you back or washing the one dish in the sink. The weather has been beautiful, right? Yesterday I fought off a panic attack while I was driving. I had to pull over because my vision was blurred. I focused on how blue the sky was. I haven't washed my hair in three days. I just want to sleep all the time but if l told you you would want to uncover a reason behind all of this and there is no tangible reason you would accept as valid. How are you? I hope well. Let's get dinner soon!
I look at the entry I'm trying to write for today, a day when I wouldn't have written anything if I wasn't determined to blog every day this year, and I feel like it has both the crossed out parts and the other stuff together.

I thought it'd be good to blog every day to get some idea of how I'm spending my days, of the ephemeral things so soon forgotten otherwise. But some days, like today, there isn't anything to say about what I did, no clever anecdotes, I haven't even read anything to share. I tried to write that superficial stuff and it came out all wrong. I don't feel like I'm expressing myself well at all today. I tried adding the crossings-out and it finally made sense:

I can hear the wind howling outside. It's been cold and drizzly today. I didn't have a lot of fun waiting for the bus home (there's no shelter, and I finished work with 20 minutes to wait until the bus was due).

I walked to Asda afterward because we needed dog food. Andrew saw me come home with two bags and laughed. I said I'm just buying two of things these days. He reckons no-deal Brexit, i.e. the one where there's no food or medicine, is less likely now but I don't remember the details that convinced him of this because I only let him talk to me about politics for about two minutes a day before the panic rises (so no comments on the subject please). I'm already having nightmares and anxiety attacks. Friday was bad because it was March and March 2019 had been held over us like a threat for two years, so I wasn't coping very well with the fact that it was now real.

I bought snacks for myself because I feel rubbish so of course I only had junk food for lunch. I started some laundry and then slept for three hours. I've been awake another hour but I'm still so tired. My depression is so, so bad lately. I woke up with the dog snuggled up next to me. I was lying on my side and he was stretched out along my spine, the smallest big spoon in the world. I love it when he does that: it is the most comforting feeling.
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
Technically I am a few hours late but I'm going to backdate this. I didn't write anything "today" because I basically fell asleep, curled up on the couch, about 7:30 last night. I woke up when the Doctor Who finished, about nine, and Jennie was like "maybe you should go to bed?" so I did. I don't know why I was so tired, that's a very odd thing for me to do, but I did. And I went straight to sleep and have slept until the wee hours of the morning.

I had another frustrating time with buses yesterday morning. I spotted a 191 coming, stuck my hand out, and neither that nor my white cane was enough to make the bus stop. I get so mad when that happens. Because I'm not even asking for accommodations at that point, I've done as much as anybody ever needs to do to catch a bus. And when it isn't enough...what else can I do? I was in the middle of composing angry tweets about this when a 197 zoomed by. At that point I went from angry to just wanting to lie on the ground and have a temper tantrum.

I had the other problem on Monday, the one where the drivers don't tell me what number bus they're driving, so I got the wrong bus and was so late for work I was worried it wouldn't be worth going at all (since I can I only work for an hour before I have to leave for uni). When I complained about that I still got defensive replies about all the reasons buses might not stop (they clearly hadn't read my tweets or they'd have seen this wasn't the problem I was having! maybe I've got a reputation), including "no passengers waiting at the bus stop," and I don't know how that could be a problem I could have unless...blind people don't count as passengers. That would fit with how it feels to me, too.

Anyway, I get so sick of talking about disability stuff. And I did loads of other stuff this week: went to see The Favourite on Monday and loved it. I finally got my screenreader fixed on Wednesday (first time it's worked this academic year! I counted up the chapters/essays I'd been assigned to read so far this semester and it was fifteen; screenreader-less, I'd so far managed two). I was on a tiring LGBT "intersectionality" panel on Wednesday too. Thursday I got to see Stuart for the first time in more than a month -- too long! Now I'm in Brighouse, mostly sleeping apparently! It's still dark, so good night.


Jan. 20th, 2019 11:34 pm
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It's almost midnight so I should say something but I don't know what.

Went to work, went to Bi Coffee. Even after two days of barely leaving the house and feeling lonely, I was exhausted by all the talking I did, all the keeping half an eye on people to make sure no one was looking too left-out or miserable, especially since we had a bunch of new people again.

I got home and had to sit quietly for an hour before I could even consider making dinner. (And dinner was only pasta with sauce I'd made a long time ago and stuck in the freezer.)

I took myself to bed at a sensible time, but now I can't sleep.


Jan. 18th, 2019 05:16 pm
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
Keyboard is better today! Didn't do anything; another restart seems to have fixed it (or that's just a coincidence, whatever). I will investigate how to map the caps lock key to something else and see if that helps; thanks for that tip [personal profile] po8crg.

I slept so much. I had "a nap" at about 6pm. I slept until 11. Andrew came to bed about an hour and a half later, and we slept from probably about 1 until his alarm went off at 9. By that point I'd done that "half waking up but rolling over and going back to sleep" thing a couple of times, which I haven't done in a very long time. It was glorious. This week, this month, the last few months, have been exhausting. I think I needed every minute of that sleep.

I have two more exams next week but I promised myself a day off today after the unending stress of uni, travel, family, Christmas, travel, work, uni, etc the last month or so. I am very bad at "days off," I don't really know how to relax. Having depression cause so much inactivity means I now can't help but associate inactivity with depression. The things a relaxing person is advised to do -- read, watch TV/movies, play games, etc. -- are also things I do when I'm low on executive function, so they don't actually seem that fun?

Andrew had some structure to his morning, which helped. We needed the alarm because he had a phone interview this morning (which he did well on and is going to be getting a bit of regular disabled-person-friendly work, hurrah!) and he also remembered that it's Friday and that still means The Good Place, though now it won't again until September. He went to Martins bakery to get himself a pile of breakfast sandwiches and a couple spinach and ricotta rolls for me, and we ate and watched the show. It was nice.

As usual after a morning lying around, I'd had enough of "relaxing" and was restless and bored. Luckily just after one my friend Tas messaged me to ask if I was still coming round. We'd agreed 11:30. It was only yesterday, but then I'd had all that sleep since then. And 1:30 ended up working just as well. She's applying for some English-as-a-foreign-language teaching thing, and had asked for help with the "language awareness" part of her application. I know she knows her stuff but most people don't have to think that much abot what an intransitive verb is.

I had fun talking about such things (though like Marvin the robot, I did have to put some effort in to "think down to her level"; I found myself trying to remember what I used to call things "when I was a normal person," as I called it, i.e. before syntax classes got me). And we had a good gossip; it was nice to see her.

I didn't plan anything for after I got home from my exam and meeting with my DSA mentor (I'd agreed to that time slot before I realized the exam was just before it, and then thought what the hell I might as well go along anyway; it was fine but kinda exhausting) yesterday but when I got home I didn't want to go straight to bed as I'd expected. Instead I did all the dishes and swept/mopped the kitchen floor, the latter for the first time in months. Today I similarly find myself without plans, and I actually opened the file that my long-neglected Kickstarter book languishes in. I've nearly finished up a chapter.

I don't know where this unexpected motivation is coming from, but I will enjoy it while it lasts!
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
Andrew was out most of the day, helping his dad do some work.

I celebrated this rare occurrence of having the house to myself as I usually do: vacuuming and singing along to Hamilton very loudly.

(It makes sense, honest: he hates Hamilton with a fiery passion, and the vacuum aggravates his asthma.)
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
I went to sleep almost right after writing last night's entry and, with an hour or so interruption when Andrew came to bed at 4, slept right through until my alarm went off at 9:30 for work. A few more sleeps like that and I might actually feel like myself again!

I feel a lot more like myself after today anyway. I mused earlier that it was such a comfort to get up and shower, dress, make breakfast (avocado on toast), start laundry, walk the dog, go to work. Well try to go to work: I missed my bus. But that gave me time to fetch the prescription the doctor's refused to have ready for me on Monday, so I've got it only two days late.

After work I went to see Stuart. We watched a lot of TV so I'm kinda tired now but I've now seen all the Doctor Who for this season (and, for 2019!) and I'm so happy with it. The one December Days prompt I didn't get around to was [personal profile] magister asking what I thought of this series, so I'll write that as soon as I can. I want to re-watch some of them first though. I wish I'd written about them more at the time but it coincided with me being so very busy.

The other stuff we watched was the first...four, I think? episodes of Star Trek Discovery because I mentioned I hadn't seen it yet. I'm enjoying it and I've introduced Stuart to the audio description so he didn't have to read out Klingon subtitles to me while he was trying to eat his dinner.

I gave Stuart his Christmas present before I left but mine didn't arrive until after so he gave me my birthday and Christmas presents today: a book about cricket and a t-shirt that says "Hail Sagan" with the pentacle and dripping blood and text in that Heavy Metal Album Cover font and everything, but with a picture of Carl Sagan in the middle of the pentacle. It made me laugh so much. Can't wait to see the weird looks I get when I wear that.

Bless him, he said he hadn't wanted to ask me for present ideas because he knew how exhausting I was finding the whole thing (and he was right; I didn't get a present from Andrew because I could never think of anything to tell him I wanted) so he just typed "Carl Sagan" into Google and eventually came up with this, haha.

Now I've seen all my partners, I feel much more like I'm back too: back at home, back to normal.


Jan. 1st, 2019 10:08 pm
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
My DW friend [personal profile] nanila posted something every day last year. I am totally admiring and in awe of such a feat but it occurred to me while waiting for the train home that I could try the same thing now it's a new year.

Two hours later, I'm getting ready for bed and wondering if this is really such a good idea because I could just put on my pajamas and turn off the light right now.

But even if I don't make it, I might as well write something for today.

Andrew and I got all the way to Brighouse train station, with a few minutes still to wait before our train, before his CPAP machine came up in conversation and we realized that we didn't have it with us. Our departure, already delayed longer than I'd have intended because I got sucked into a documentary called The Art of Drumming, which I'd seen before but Andrew hadn't, and it was fun to watch his reactions (surprisingly for a music thing, he hardly had to yell at how wrong it was and said he really enjoyed it), had to be further postponed while I ran back. We're just lucky we didn't have to wait a whole hour.

So I ran back most of the way, [personal profile] matgb having kindly come out with the machine after I'd rung ahead and explained the situation, saving me what would've been a few crucial minutes if Andrew had been correct in his reading of the departure boards, in which case I'd gotten back with only a minute or two to spare. As it turns out the display was apparently unreliable and we had to cross over the platforms and go up and down a lot more stairs than my lungs and legs were happy with, and wait another twenty minutes.

I'd made the round trip in the time it usually takes me to walk one way I the station! My lungs and legs are not used to this kind of exertion and made this very clear, but I'm amused that a day that 99% of had been spent glued to the couch still probably featured enough exercise in the other 1% to count toward a gym-going goal if I'd been misguided enough as to make such a thing for myself.

Not long after we got home, [personal profile] diffrentcolours brought Gary back from his overnight. So good of him and [personal profile] mother_bones to look after him, especially when they have to do things like give him a bath because he decided to roll around in poop, and interrupt their Doctor Who-watching because he was whining and pawing at D's trousers to be taken home.

I got to be a countersignatory to [personal profile] mother_bones's passport renewal application! The exclamation mark is there because I'm excited I keep finding new uses for my own UK passport (I had to put its number on the form).

Besides the usual stuff on the form I had to fill in (name, address, etc), the last box was for how many years I've known the person. I'm not entirely certain actually! My best guess is 11 but it might even be 12 now. She and D were the first friends I made in Manchester. It's hard now to remember what it was like not knowing them. Definitely more fun to think about the time since I have.


Sep. 8th, 2018 11:00 pm
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
About 9:30 I finally got to sit down with a beer and my feet up. A solid twelve hours of Women's Work for this party.

Desperately need a hug, a shoulder to cry on, and a foot massage.

When I sat down and checked my email I saw "You can check in for your flight to Manchester!" I'm not ready to contemplate all that time in airports and on planes just yet.


Aug. 30th, 2018 06:11 pm
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
I've finally gotten around to checking the dates of my trip to Minnesota and when exactly I'm gone for Lib Dem conference and I'm a little stressed.

So Saturday morning I leave for the airport (for a trip I'm not looking forward to at all but maybe more about that later). I get back a week on Monday.

I have four days and then on the Saturday I will have to leave on a very early train for Brighton. Technically I should be there Friday afternoon to set up the stall but I won't have anywhere to stay until Saturday so I'm just gonna have to sneak in and set up early.

I will get back from that on Wednesday and then I have four days until I start my second year of university.

And then that's September done with. I feel like there is not enough of this month for all the things that have to happen in it.
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
Duolingo was one of the first apps I downloaded when I got an Android phone, a year and a half ago.

I've been using it on and off all that time. I was so excited about it at first. But also, I neglect it for months at a time. I am immune to gamification. It just does not work on me. I don't care about keeping a streak going, I don't understand what lingots are for, I really don't understand these crowns except I don't like them because they're making me go back over old levels so many times (okay, I guess I am motivated by having all the levels I've finished stay gold), I'm not interested in competing with the like four people I'm "friends" with...

But I am a little disturbed that today I got a badge for having used it every day for a week. Even that seems to be an achievement I hadn't reached before! That really surprised me, which then amused me.
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
When I was a kid I hated having to go to bed before it got dark. It seemed so unfair! Night-time is for sleeping!

Now, I love it when I get to bed before it gets dark. I love going to bed early in the summer, as much as I love staying out late.

I loved staying out on Sunday, when I went with friends to see Sarah Millican at the Apollo. It was ostensibly a present for Stuart's birthday but I so enjoyed it I felt like it was a treat for me too. (My actual birthday ranges from unremarkable to rubbish, so I like to think that by enjoying all my friends' birthday events a little more than is normal, it equals up to a whole birthday for me by the end of the year -- yesterday I also made arrangements for a weekend in London that includes a friend's birthday at Hamilton, and it'll be my second friend's-birthday-at-Hamilton so my birthday-enjoyment account is surely well into the black for 2018 already.)

Early bedtimes are certainly warranted lately. I spent Saturday dismantling the hated extra wardrobe and Sunday morning dismantling the hated sideboard, both of which were about to be replaced by more suitable furniture (both of which also were full of things I'd had to take out and find places for, even if it was just corners to throw them into). Sunday evening I started work on the chest of drawers, and Monday I finished that and made the storage-cube thing, and filled them back up with (almost) all the old things again. The delayed-onset muscle soreness tells me each day what I'd done too much of the day before: yesterday my arms were sore, today my legs.

Today I also helped a friend pack up her kitchen to move house. I did some grunt work, relieved to be free of the decision-making my last three days were full of, but I also was there to listen to my friend (the move was triggered by difficult stuff) and reassure her that it was okay to throw things away. I didn't do as much physical work today but I still came home exhausted. Very glad I could help, though.


May. 22nd, 2018 10:16 pm
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
The counselor I've been given as part of my disability plan from the uni is always talking about how we need breaks and little rewards and days off. It's bizarre. I'm so, so bad at this. (A friend similarly bad at relaxing and I have a running joke about threatening to chain each other to a bed not for any salacious purpose but just to make it impossible to do any more things for a little while.)

For instance, yesterday I said:
I was teasingly ordered by a friend to relax today when I told him I was back from my exam. He knows I haven't really been able to do that lately.

But I haven't been able to today, either. I talked to him, then had lunch, then a tech support human tried to remotely fix my computer (which I had to watch and type my password in every time he restarted it, which is lots) for an hour. Then I had to get the laundry in before it really started to rain. Then had to give the dog a pill, always tricky!
And after that I went to a WI meeting, so I didn't get to bed early.

Today I have finalized plans for going to London for an LGBT politics do, and suddenly I'm going to see Sarah Millican on Sunday with some of my favorite people. This is better.


hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)

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