hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
I had a dream that, for my birthday or something, [personal profile] mother_bones had looked up when we first met and then asked me if I knew when it was. I gave what I thought was the actual answer, but in the dream she told me I was wrong.

She handed me a printout of this (not real) LJ post I'd written on the day we had apparently met. That was the present she'd gotten me for this occasion, But this LJ post had apparently, like newspaper articles, acquired links to other ones on similar subjects at the bottom of it, other times I mentioned us.

She had printed out one of them to give me, too, and it was a silly conversation about ranking different types of cheese, some absurd thing that even in the dream neither of us could remember having done.

I can't remember the details of the cheese hierarchy now that I'm awake, but I vividly remember dream-us giggling and laughing a lot and being very glad we're friends. I woke up right after that and I'm still very glad of it now.
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
I've got my first semantics assignment due tomorrow wait, today now and I still don't feel like I understand any of it.

But I did have a dream where one of my Facebook friends asked people for the metalanguage they would use to describe a random thing. When I woke up, dream-me was happily typing my answer, thinking this was a perfectly normal thing to ask and everyone would understand the question. (And my brain had picked the most plausible out of all of my friends to ask something like that!)

That counts as progress, right?
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
Andrew just told me about all the dreams he had last night. Lots of stress ones, but also his brain seems to be trying to do him some favors by dreaming a box set of all music and Doctor Who and things Andrew likes. And then he told me about one where he was walking Gary through somewhere that something bad had happened, they had to climb over fences and stuff. "And Gary was barking and his barks were words and they said 'Don't worry, I'll protect you. Don't worry, I'll protect you,' " Andrew told me.

My heart felt like it grew three sizes. Gary has turned up in scary dreams of mine and his dream-presence has cheered me up and calmed me down. I even dreamed he escaped into our bedroom once to rescue me from a bad dream. He looks after us even in our dreams.

"He didn't know many words," Andrew said. "But he could say 'Don't worry, Andrew, I'll protect you.' "

Zarp-brain

Jan. 13th, 2018 08:26 am
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
Just woke up from a dream where I was reading [personal profile] bunnypip's recap of a sci-fi convention she'd been to. At one point when she was trying to say she'd had enough energy/concentration to do more things, she wrote:

"I had enough...what do they call it here...zarp-brain?...wind-space?...to do more things."

(There was a third thing too, some other kind of "-brain," but by the time I woke up I'd forgotten that already.)

And I think those sound like suitably sci-fi ways to talk about that thing!
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
Andrew's telling me about his dream. His sister told him she was trans so we couldn't go on our planned trip to the Moon because the insurance was all messed up since the documents were in her old name.

"We were all ready to go, at Disneyland where the trips to the Moon leave from..." he started. And actually, it seems very plausible to me that commercial Moon trips will go from Disneyland!
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
Had a dream last night where I could crochet, read Irish, and was going to be a policeman.

I would like to crochet and read (and speak) Irish. I would not like to be a policeman.
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
I just woke up from one of the more ridiculous-sounding anxiety dreams I've ever had.

I was running some kind of event for blind people. I was directing people around, introducing them, taking notes in conversation with some, going to get drinks and snacks for everyone but me. At one point I was even worried about looking for somewhere to charge my phone.

It's laughable to relate now -- how boring is my brain! -- but the tension in my neck and shoulders when I woke up, and my racing breathing, were no more fun than if my anxiety had been about something more universally-recognized.

How boring is my brain, though.
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
I had possibly the most "me" dreams ever last night: Lin-Manuel Miranda came to BiCon, Levenshulme started a kind of social-justice commune featuring me and a bunch of people I know from around here, that I know from the WI and such.

Even the parts of the dream that were nightmares featured friends of mine supporting me and protecting me from the bad things afterward.
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
"I thought I hadn't slept at all last night, but thinking back on it, that part where we gave Gary my skin cream to drink and it turned him into Matt Smith probably didn't actually happen, did it?"
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
I've had a terrible night's sleep: I am something of a connoisseur of insomnia and nightmares even at the best of times, yet tonight's examples were extreme. But I was pleased, maybe even amused, at certain features of those ludicrously awful dreams.

There's a theory that it's a good sign when you start to dream in the foreign language that you're learning: it's supposed to indicate a level of familiarity with and proficiency in the language. If it's really a sign of having integrated something into your mind and life, I'm amused and soothed to realize that new features of my dreams tonight include
  1. comprehensive mental health care that incorporates the specific experiences of bisexuals (I was amazed at how much time and energy it saved to not have to argue about or justify bisexuality and biphobia); and
  2. me using my white cane! even when I'd gotten dream-news so bad I was crying enough to wake myself up, I was using it. Don't remember that happening before in any dream.
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
...you have a dream about randomly snogging one of your friends (the kind where even in the dream it makes no sense and upon waking you feel a bit like you should apologize to your friend for your subconscious) and then in the dream you ask them "What does this mean?" and they start talking about how to talk about this with all the existing partners.

Hee.
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
I had an extremely odd dream.

Andrew and I were on vacation, somewhere in Britain but there was a Target there. We went in and, seeing that they had a counter where you could change your name by deed poll, I spontaneously decided to.

I didn't have anything particular I wanted to change my name to, but I was suddenly very keen on having a name people could spell and understand when I said it ("Holly" sounds different in my accent than in the ones people around me use, and I have had to spell it a lot recently...And of course my last name continues to be a nightmare). To illustrate the difficulty of my name, in the dream I had to write out my current/old name a couple of times, and I kept making odd spelling mistakes and writing it illegibly.

Since I wanted to change my name but I didn't know what to, dream-Andrew suggested "Morag," which I wasn't sure about but couldn't think of any reason why not. The guy at the departmet-store deed-poll counter (this should so be a thing) was Scottish, so he thought that was a good idea. I thought I might keep my own middle name -- which is Michelle -- but then I saw he'd written "Lynsey" down on the forms (this is also how I learned I was apparently going to "Jones" as a surname) which I did not like, so the three of us had an argument about what my new middle name should be...It was nearly "Ginny" but then the Scottish man said something about "Kean" (and, in the way with dreams, I immediately knew it was that spelling) and I excitedly latched onto that.

So I happily walked away with a big envelope full of paperwork and a list of all the things I had to notify of the name change...all emblazoned with the name Morag Kean Jones.

I'd love to know what dream-world I was living in where a Scottish first name, an Irish middle name usually expected to belong to a gender different from mine were going to be easier to navigate the world with than the name I've already got!

It amused me when I woke up (which is good because I woke up way too early to the noise of the damn smoke alarm whose batteries need changing but which I hav never been able to take apart to get at the batteries, so I'd have otherwise been very grumpy).

Waking-me hasn't ever really thought about changing my name, beyond using that as a rhetorical device to whine about how sick I am of having a name people get wrong, and the whole milliseconds it took to make the decision not to change my surname when I got married.

But in the dream, I didn't feel much attachment at all to my name. As I signed the paperwork, I distinctly remember being a little sad I would no longer have the same name as [personal profile] miss_s_b's daughter, and thus the still-running joke of her being my mum (a real thing! which, months after the misunderstanding that spawned it, is still an idea that makes me laugh) might have to die. But on the other hand, dream-me mused, it'd take Andrew absolutely ages to get used to calling me anything other than "Holly," and I'd enjoy laughing at him when he did.

I was vaguely aware there'd be a lot of bureaucracy to deal with in changing my name, but I didn't dwell on that nearly as much as losing my affiliation with another awesome Holly and watching Andrew get something wrong.

Brains are such funny things, aren't they?
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
When I was first married, and struggling with how miserable and strange my wedding was, a lot of my friends suggested having some other kind of ceremony more like how I'd have wanted it and less tainted by the emotional rawness of my brother having just died.

I always said I could see the appeal of this in some ways but in other ways it'd just be another thing for me to sort out on my own and anyway Andrew hated the first wedding enough that I can't imagine him offering me anything better than tolerance and humoring me for such a plan, and the whole point of this would be to remove the aspect of obligation and having to please other people from a wedding.

After a while I didn't think about the wedding so much any more and the idea didn't seem at all interesting to any more.

So after years of not thinking about it, I dreamed it last night.

It was so vivid. I can tell you the dress I was wearing -- bright red, and a bit girly for me but I was very happy with it -- and that everybody I know was there. I wasn't dreaming I was in the past, I was dreaming everybody I know now and I knew in the dream that I had been married a while by now.

But it was a big party and everyone was really happy for me and I was really happy. And I woke up feeling like that's almost as good, or maybe better, than having to plan and arrange it in my waking life.
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
Had a dream where I was basically in Ender's Game, but with lots more bisexuality.

Which, of course, made it way better.

I got an armored jetpack suit! And I got to kiss a girl! A few of them, actually. I'm kind of surprised that my subconscious thinks I'm so fanciable!

Ah well. Time to go back to bed.
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
I have been having strange and complicated dreams lately (another sign that my brain's not doing well; since I mentioned one yesterday and [personal profile] magister asked me if there were others, I keep noticing more).

Last night I dreamed a bunch of friends and I were at some kind of political conference. And for some reason my mom was there, too. I lost her for a while when I was arguing with an LGBT Labour person and when I found Mom again she'd seen a speech by Theresa May and was enamored with her, telling me she had a lot of good points about terrorism and she was going to be the next Prime Minister.

So I had a long dream-conversatiom with her about how that was unlikely; about the coalition (because Theresa May had given my mom the impression that only the Tories were in government) about the differences from the American system that mean British people don't choose their country's leader, about the upcoming election. She didn't seem that interested in me; I think Theresa May was still winning in her head.

I woke up feeling exhausted and frustrated. I fail at sleep.

Dreamwatch

Oct. 5th, 2014 08:03 am
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
For once I woke up feeling relatively cheerful and even vaguely disappointed, the way you do when you prefer the dream to your waking life. I think I'd been doing something complicated with a group of people, and I like that so I guess that's why I was happy.

But I don't remember it, except that at the very end I was saying "you can always tell the lesbians in the room, because they're the last to get a double entendre if there's a cock in it." Because that's what'd just happened!

I laughed in my dream, and smiled when I was awake -- not because my observation was as witty as dream-me thought, but just because any harmless dream these days is a relief.
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
I had a panic attack in a dream last night. Until a couple of weeks ago, I didn't even know that was a thing that could happen, but this is the second time it has, now.

It was very convincingly done: the cause was something that'd elicit exactly that kind of reaction in my waking life, and when I woke up in the middle of it I felt almost as exhausted as I do when they really happen.

And when I finally got my sorry self downstairs, Andrew told me I'd talked in my sleep! That's a new one on me (or at least, it's not something that's happened when anybody else has heard and wanted to tell me about it.) He says I said "Boo." It woke him up. He asked me what I was on about but of course got no answer because I was sleeping. He says he doesn't know if I was trying to be scary or to express my disapproval about something. Bit ominous, I think, either way.
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
It's nice that, along with all the horrible dreams, I've been having some comedy relief ones.

Last night it was that my dad had a Paul Bunyan statue built along the side of their driveway, so you could see it from the road. He was so proud of it.

(This is especially funny if you know how completely Not My Dad such a thing would be. You'd never catch him as the protagonist of a magical realist movie.)

Exdreams

Sep. 24th, 2014 09:21 am
hollymath: Selfie: white person, three-quarter profile, smiling, brown hair shaved on the side we can see, chin-length on the other (Default)
Last night I dreamed about arguing with Labour members about their LGBT record.

And I dreamed that it is Thursday morning instead of Wednesday.

Neither of these is quite as boring as my dream the other day that I'd found an Allen wrench I could use to fix one of my chairs, waking up thinking "oh good I can fix that chair!" and then only slowly realizing that, no, I couldn't, it was only a dream.

But it does seem at the moment I am only having nightmares or the most hilariously mundane dreams. No in-between.

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Holly

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